If someone asked me Id start out with the fact that I ramble when I get nervous, I will always make the situation awkward by not making since when I ramble on about things that you probably don't like. I am obsessed with One Direction, to the point where I should actually be an nine year old girl. I watch way too many tv shows that have no connection to what the real world is actually like. I enjoy tons of different types of music anywhere between The 1975, to For King and Country. Id tell them that I absolutely hate vegetables and fruit and that yes I know that is very un healthy. That I was once a cheerleader and it consumed about 8 full years of my life and childhood. I am such a hopeless romantic and will continue to cry every time that I watch the last Breaking Dawn. I read an insane amount of books, and have this horrible habit of finding a new one to read and stopping mid way thought the previous book to start another. I absolutely can not sleep well if my room is a mess, it has to be clean and tidy before I can fully rest. Id also say that I wish I went to church a lot more than I do, I have a great relationship with christ and my walk with him is such an import part of my life. You'd have to know that I was born in California and would like to return back one day for good. The beach runs in my soul, I was once a fish in another life. I lose my train of thought in the middle of doing something, like right now for example, and beat myself up until I remember what it was I was trying to do or say. I hang on to things of the past for way to long. Most times I underestimate what peoples true intentions are and get walked on. I spend way too much time on the internet, mostly on YouTube and Tumblr. But that is not all that makes me Me...my family, friends, the people I surround myself with adds to it as well.
A lot has changed since we last spoke, some bad but mostly good. For so long I have filtered my blog and Im proud to say that is no longer an issue. I have been released from the thing that was once holding me back, being in College Station and working at the Salon I was at was completely wrong for me and it took way too long for me to realize it. I never give up or quit something I commit to, but in this case you must make yourself happy and put yourself first sometimes. There I was not happy and never would be, people I surrounded myself with everyday were negative and did nothing but put off bad vibes. I dreaded having to return back to College Station from my days off and trips to see my family. I could feel the life being taken out of me and my heart would be drained after every day. I grew farther from my faith and knew something had to change, I missed my family and I missed myself being ME. I don't want this post to focus on what was bad in the situation but look ahead to the present and soon to come future. After making the decision to leave my job I have decided to move back to Cypress, live with my best friend, and continue to finish school. I have nothing but excitement and joy in my heart to start back where I left off, I hope to study Communications and Public Relations. Through this journey I hopefully will be able to study abroad and learn as much as I can from many different people from all over the world. I will continue to follow though with my dream of making people beautiful doing hair and makeup, just not put all my focus in that direction right now. I can not express how much I felt trapped settling in a town and working every single day, I felt like I was going to be stuck there forever unable to get out, travel, or meet anyone truly for me. At the prime age of twenty-one I am much to young to start a career in a town where I do not belong. My life is mine and a contract is not going to keep me from being the most I can be. I dream to learn, to experience, and to grow. I want to get back to me, and to following where God wants me to go. For now it will be back in Houston, maybe one day it will be a new place but Im happy with my cute bohemian two room apartment with my best friend in the universe.
This is the first summer in years that I have had the absolute freedom to explore, vacation, and do the things I desire. First on my list was to pack my things and travel to Austin to visit my family for a few weeks. Waking up every morning able to take five steps and be in my brothers or sisters room has been the light of my time. Just being here and able to take them swimming, to the movies, or school is a blessing. My parents have been such loving supportive people who will always support and open their arms to their children at all times. The trip has been wonderful, but like I mentioned good has come into my life but that also is followed with bad. A few days shortly after arriving my step mothers mom passed to go into Gods arms. I could not imagine losing either one of my moms and I know that I will truly never understand the pain that my aunts, uncles, and step mom are feeling. When I was about my sisters age (10) I lost my great-grandmother. I didn't quite grasp the concept of what was really going on, I just knew that my MiMi would not stop crying and people kept bringing us flowers and food. My siblings are young and for them to lose a grandmother is difficult and for them I hurt, but I don't think they fully grasp that she is gone and never coming back. When the realization does hit I will be here for them. Although we are all hurting down here in this life we have to remember that she is now with our maker and looking down upon each and everyone of us smiling and singing with the angles.
Life really has no guarantees, the only thing that is certain is that you will live and you will die. All the in-between is up to you and you alone. For me I chose to walk with christ and live my life for him and to fill my purpose in this life. We have to stand strong in our faith and learn that tough times will come but that is when you will be defined on your character and what makes you who you are. If you have doubt in where you are or what your doing explore other options, there is no contracts or people truly holding you back, only yourself and when you decide its time to move forward then you will. Believe that Gods timing is perfect, I was meant to quit my job and come stay with my family because although we didn't know at the time this would be the weeks they would need me here most. In the loss of my grandmother I find comfort in Jesus timing, he makes no mistakes and will always lead you in the right direction if you trust in him. Hug your love ones extra tight for me today and find your happiness in everyday.
(Rest In Peace Grandma)
(A few pictures since we last spoke)
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