Who am I, Where am I going

If someone was to ask who you were, you would most likely respond with your name followed by some facts like your age and where you live. But who are you really, what do you like, what are your hobbies, what makes you YOU?

If someone asked me Id start out with the fact that I ramble when I get nervous, I will always make the situation awkward by not making since when I ramble on about things that you probably don't like. I am obsessed with One Direction, to the point where I should actually be an nine year old girl. I watch way too many tv shows that have no connection to what the real world is actually like. I enjoy tons of different types of music anywhere between The 1975, to For King and Country. Id tell them that I absolutely hate vegetables and fruit and that yes I know that is very un healthy. That I was once a cheerleader and it consumed about 8 full years of my life and childhood. I am such a hopeless romantic and will continue to cry every time that I watch the last Breaking Dawn. I read an insane amount of books, and have this horrible habit of finding a new one to read and stopping mid way thought the previous book to start another. I absolutely can not sleep well if my room is a mess, it has to be clean and tidy before I can fully rest. Id also say that I wish I went to church a lot more than I do, I have a great relationship with christ and my walk with him is such an import part of my life. You'd have to know that I was born in California and would like to return back one day for good. The beach runs in my soul, I was once a fish in another life. I lose my train of thought in the middle of doing something, like right now for example, and beat myself up until I remember what it was I was trying to do or say. I hang on to things of the past for way to long. Most times I underestimate what peoples true intentions are and get walked on. I spend way too much time on the internet, mostly on YouTube and Tumblr. But that is not all that makes me Me...my family, friends, the people I surround myself with adds to it as well.


A lot has changed since we last spoke, some bad but mostly good. For so long I have filtered my blog and Im proud to say that is no longer an issue. I have been released from the thing that was once holding me back, being in College Station and working at the Salon I was at was completely wrong for me and it took way too long for me to realize it. I never give up or quit something I commit to, but in this case you must make yourself happy and put yourself first sometimes. There I was not happy and never would be, people I surrounded myself with everyday were negative and did nothing but put off bad vibes. I dreaded having to return back to College Station from my days off and trips to see my family. I could feel the life being taken out of me and my heart would be drained after every day. I grew farther from my faith and knew something had to change, I missed my family and I missed myself being ME. I don't want this post to focus on what was bad in the situation but look ahead to the present and soon to come future. After making the decision to leave my job I have decided to move back to Cypress, live with my best friend, and continue to finish school. I have nothing but excitement and joy in my heart to start back where I left off, I hope to study Communications and Public Relations. Through this journey I hopefully will be able to study abroad and learn as much as I can from many different people from all over the world. I will continue to follow though with my dream of making people beautiful doing hair and makeup, just not put all my focus in that direction right now. I can not express how much I felt trapped settling in a town and working every single day, I felt like I was going to be stuck there forever unable to get out, travel, or meet anyone truly for me. At the prime age of twenty-one I am much to young to start a career in a town where I do not belong. My life is mine and a contract is not going to keep me from being the most I can be. I dream to learn, to experience, and to grow. I want to get back to me, and to following where God wants me to go. For now it will be back in Houston, maybe one day it will be a new place but Im happy with my cute bohemian two room apartment with my best friend in the universe.


This is the first summer in years that I have had the absolute freedom to explore, vacation, and do the things I desire. First on my list was to pack my things and travel to Austin to visit my family for a few weeks. Waking up every morning able to take five steps and be in my brothers or sisters room has been the light of my time. Just being here and able to take them swimming, to the movies, or school is a blessing. My parents have been such loving supportive people who will always support and open their arms to their children at all times. The trip has been wonderful, but like I mentioned good has come into my life but that also is followed with bad. A few days shortly after arriving my step mothers mom passed to go into Gods arms.  I could not imagine losing either one of my moms and I know that I will truly never understand the pain that my aunts, uncles, and step mom are feeling. When I was about my sisters age (10) I lost my great-grandmother. I didn't quite grasp the concept of what was really going on, I just knew that my MiMi would not stop crying and people kept bringing us flowers and food. My siblings are young and for them to lose a grandmother is difficult and for them I hurt, but I don't think they fully grasp that she is gone and never coming back. When the realization does hit I will be here for them. Although we are all hurting down here in this life we have to remember that she is now with our maker and looking down upon each and everyone of us smiling and singing with the angles.


Life really has no guarantees, the only thing that is certain is that you will live and you will die. All the in-between is up to you and you alone. For me I chose to walk with christ and live my life for him and to fill my purpose in this life. We have to stand strong in our faith and learn that tough times will come but that is when you will be defined on your character and what makes you who you are. If you have doubt in where you are or what your doing explore other options, there is no contracts or people truly holding you back, only yourself and when you decide its time to move forward then you will. Believe that Gods timing is perfect, I was meant to quit my job and come stay with my family because although we didn't know at the time this would be the weeks they would need me here most. In the loss of my grandmother I find comfort in Jesus timing, he makes no mistakes and will always lead you in the right direction if you trust in him. Hug your love ones extra tight for me today and find your happiness in everyday.

(Rest In Peace Grandma)

(A few pictures since we last spoke)

Okay? Okay.

*Small update following this post

John Green will now forever be a name in my regular day to day vocabulary. His book (now turned major motion picture) The Fault In Our Stars, has consumed my wandering eyes and thoughts over the course of the past few days. I bought the book a few months back when I saw it at an Urban Outfitters, while visiting New York, pretty random place to see it if you ask me. Never the less I googled the title and saw that it would soon be a movie so of course I had to see what it was all about before I would allow myself to step foot in the theater. I had every intention to start reading right away, but this was right around the time Divergent was in theaters so I had to prioritize and read that one first, which by the way I ended up stopping about half way threw because I couldn't wait a second longer to read TFIOS (look at that hip lingo) so I pushed pause on Divergent to start reading. I visited the beach for mothers day and thought this would be the perfect time seeing the movie comes out on JUNE 6TH, mark your calendars people, and I now have completed the book cover to cover with a few turn backs just because it was so beautiful, and I thought Id share my thoughts on the story and give a mini "book review."

Now with any book I like to really clear my mind and take every word the author has written and Imagine it from his/her point of view. John Green made it very easy to really dive deep into the story, fairly quickly if I must say. The book if you do not know is about two young adults around the ages of 16/17 who both are terminally sick with cancer. However, (this part is important so pay attention) this book is NOT about cancer, it is simply a love story about two people. It is completely beautifully written and well voiced. The characters, Hazel and Augustus, are two people you are genuinely rooting for. Like I said the book does not focus on the fact that they both have cancer, but it is a part of the story, the book focuses more on the present and the way they are living their lives day to day rather than counting the days they have left. Their love is true and pure, one that we all hope to have within our lives, it's great because in the beginning of the story Hazel is so hesitant to fall in love because she sees the reality. She knows they will both shortly die and is extremely scared, but isn't that the point to love like there is no tomorrow? Life has no guarantees, we are not given a set amount of days where we can count down, it is unknown to us, so love now in this moment. As soon and she realizes this their love truly unfolds within the pages you are reading and let me just warn you of the waterworks. (And no this is not just because I have overreactive tear ducts and cry at everything!)  It is an emotional roller coaster, one that only goes up. (just a little joke for the ones who've read the book) I am so impressed with the story and the feeling that it gave me. I feel as if I've truly received a gift with this story and encourage you to pick up a copy and see what all the hype is about for yourself.

Now that I've read the book I am literally counting down the days until the movie, I am so thrilled with the cast that has been selected to play the characters. I will openly admit I've watched the trailer to the movie about 67 plus times, and let me just say I am fully prepared to bring a huge box of tissues with me to the screening. Ill also have to remember to block my ex boy friends number so that after I see it I don't end up sending out some emotional sappy text message that I would most likely regret in the morning. Hehe.

Like I mentioned in the beginning of this post Id like to talk to you guys apart from the book. I am very excited to inform you that I will SOON be posting another Update blog with new information about what is going on in my crazy life as promised. Also Im really thinking of doing more of these "mini book review" post after I get done with a new book. I read a ton and think it would spice up my blog bit, let me know your thoughts. Im now reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower, so be on the lookout for that! Hope you guys have an amazing week.

Cheers xx

Update

I've been major slacking on my blog these past few weeks! It's not because I haven't been inspired, I write all the time, it's just knowing when to post something at the right time. The process of deciding when it's appropriate to post something is a daily struggle I face. I fight myself constantly for over thinking what I write, I  worry over who might take offince to what I write, or if it will get me into trouble. If we could write with out judgment what would we put on paper, or in my case the screen? It's almost like if someone could read your mind, would you really be comfortable with them being able to walk freely through your thoughts? I'll answer for you, HELL NO. A lot is changing in my life, I'm so incredibly excited, but it's not time yet to share quite everything. So I won't let you roam my thoughts freely yet, but I will give you a sneak peak.

Change is inevitable right? Well isn't it a better feeling when you know you're in charge of the change. When you take your life in your own hands and really take the reigns. I've been doing just that over the past few months. Some things are falling into the right places and it looks like I've got all of my duckies in a row. About time right? I wouldn't be able to have this without a few special people who have helped me through this journey. My family, best friend, and God have played a big part in helping me along to find just the right path for myself. Now that I've got a plan in mind it is up to me to really follow through to continue to be happy. I've spoken openly in my past posts that I've struggled with letting others control my happiness, and I'll be perfectly honest with you I still find myself having issues with this at times, but I've grown a lot and have really started to lean less on others and more on myself. It's nice when another can make us happy but for now I'm content with it being just me. I am really starting to figure out who I am, what I like, what I HATE, and what I really want. This is such a huge deal to me, personally I've struggled with depression and anexity so the fact that I'm feeling okay with just how things are coming along is amazing. I'm so ready for the changes, and ready to share them with all of you guys!

Stay tuned to find out what's next for me :)

(A few pictures from the past month)