Why does God take us South to go North?

In my life recently I have felt distance in my relationship with God. While living in College Station I would regularly attend an on campus bible study called Breakaway every week, and since I have moved to Houston I have yet to find a church that I feel fits my walk with christ. I have noticed a hole in my heart that could only be filled with the preachings of the Lord. I decided while I continued my search I would look back on my notes taken over the course of my time at Breakaway, and login to their website to watch previous podcast. Within minutes of hearing the words of God again I began to feel my spirits lift. In day to day life I hear the words of Christian singers and pray to God, but he requires more from us, to study his word and to listen to his preaching. 

While the hole started to grow I was given unfortunate information about my mother. She noticed a spot on her face that appeared out of nowhere and was continuing to grow. In fear that it could be something worse than a simple blemish, something cancerous, so she made an appointment to see a specialist. Personally I freaked out inside, automatically assuming the worst and began to question God. Why would he put my mothers life in danger of such a terrible disease. I wanted to be angry and upset with him but knew that was just the enemy talking. 

Fot I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future. Jeremiah 29:11

Just when the enemy stepped in I knew I had to get on my knees and pray, pray for her health, for her life, and for her loved ones. I did not tell many people, for we did not know for sure what was the actual cause was for this, but the ones I did tell I asked for continued prayers. My dads church was notified and reached out their thoughts and prayed togeather as a church. Mind you this news was brought to my attention about two weeks ago, my mother appointment was scheduled for today, the 13 of August. LAST NIGHT I received a text from my mom of a picture along with the words "I woke up today and it is completely gone." As if the spot was never there, a spot that was growing day by day...GONE. Just like that a rush of relief came over me. How could this happen, what made it just disappear...

PRAYER

With the words spoken by many mouths to our father asking him for healing and health for my mom, he took away what could of led my family down a very scary path. So the question I ask you, why does God take us north to go south? What does this mean? God takes us down paths that build us, they build our relationship with others, build our relationship with God, and builds our faith. He leads us this way to give us the opportunity to put our trust in him alone. He is the healer of all things. He wants us to believe in him and his words that he know the plans he has for us, we can not change them they are set so what do we do other than put our trust in him fully? When we are forced to face a scary possibility like sickness or death and God takes away that possibility we find ourselves worshiping him whole heartedly, but he doesn't want our worship just out of thanks for healing, he wants our worship for him at all times. We can't just thank him when we feel he has helped something, he sent his one and only son to die for OUR sins, we must praise and worship him always.

God test us daily to see if when we feel hopeless and are struggling that we will not stray from his promises but that we will stand firm in our faith in a time of rain, in order to see his rainbow. Often times God will lead us in a direction we don't know to display his glory! He is worthy of all praise no matter what obstacle is thrown in our lives. He provides comfort in his words and in his people. God will sometimes complicate our lives for his teachings and glory, in this time of worry and stress over my mom he has taught me that he is the only person that can take that worry away. We must cast our anxiety on him and he will deal with it, as long as we trust in him. When people see the blessings God has given me, then I hope they will call upon him. Our faith will move us forward on his path into his glory. 

God has huge plans for each and every one of us, but that does not mean that bad things can't and won't happen, it just means we have to keep trusting in him. My challenge to you if you do not know christ or even if you do, is this... You can keep doing what you are doing and be STUCK where you are, or you can open up to changing your ways and see where the Lord leads you. When you step into a walk with christ and put your faith in God you will receive blessings. There will be obstacles and problems, but he asks us to not focus on those problems we may face, but instead to focus on his PROMISES. 

The size of your problem does not matter, the size of your God does.

Here's how I got PitchSlapped

June is nearly coming to an end and boy oh boy has it been an exciting month. Monthly updates are becoming a thing here on my itty bitty blog and Im glad I can keep you guys up to date with whats going on in my life. Recently a pretty cool thing happened, at the beginning of the month my best friend and I made a spontaneous trip to Louisiana to play extras in the audience watching the Treblemakers preform in Pitch Perfect 2. We enjoyed being on set so much that we got back in contact with a casting director to return later in the month to see the Bellas... little did I know I'd be getting to do a little more than just be an extra in the audience. I would love to let you guys have the full experience of what my trip to PP2 was actually like, sharing pictures and videos of my costume and of set, however I do not have 117,000 dollars to pay them when they sue me. I signed this little paper saying I would not share any information about the movie as they want to keep it a secrete until it comes out, which is totally understandable. I can however share a little sneak peak into what happened to me while I was there. 

I originally applied to play an audience member again all week with my friends and was thrilled with just that, until the night before we started our road trip at dinner when I got a call from casting asking if I would be willing to be in a "specialty group." I can't revile what the group did or looked like but geeze louise was it FUN. Being in this had it's perks, we got our own trailer, were taken to hair and make up almost everyday, fitted and in wardrobe for our costumes, and allowed to be back stage with the actors. I got a glimpse of what its actually like to be on set and not just another extra in the audience which was pretty cool. Being in this group allowed me to meet some pretty awesome people, including having a casual conversation with Brittany Snow while making ice coffee at 3 am. We got to do a few scenes, one on our own where Elizabeth Banks loved what we were doing so much she requested the cameras to be directly on us...AMAZING, and another with Hailee Steinfeld and Ben Platt. Not everyday do you just get to hang out in the same room with an oscar nominee. Everyone was so nice and down to earth, if you're wondering what Rebel Wilson is like she is hilarious! Call times were mainly around 4-6 pm and went all the way until 6 am. It was long hours doing the same scenes about 20 plus times over and over, I never realized how many times they actually shoot the same thing just from tons of different angles and cameras, some of those bad boys are ginormous. 

The week went by fast, and sort of felt like one long continuous day, shooting all night and sleeping all day then getting up and heading right back. Monday-Thursday had only around 100-300 extras in the audience and Friday night was the BIG day, PP2 opened the doors to any and everyone that wanted to come watch the final performance of the Bellas, 2000 people showed up and it was crazy.  Thankfully the volunteers were release around midnight and wouldn't be there the entire time. When we finally wrapped I think I was to the point of delirium, by this point in the week we memorized the lyrics and dance routines of the performances so you know we were a bit tired of seeing the same things and ready to return home. This was an amazing opportunity and exciting week, I'm grateful for everything and so super excited for the movie to come out, May 15, 2015.

(here are a few photos I can share)

A few of the girls in our group

The guys who made things so much fun on set

The sun coming up on the first finished day

A snap chat of the sun on the last day

Bubble fun in-between takes

Some of the crowd on Friday night

An overhead shot of the park that a news station took

Snapchat photo bom with one of the guys from another group

Help, Im freaking OUT people

Mid shower about 20 minutes ago I had a moment, now normally this is where you'd find me having "ideas" or "deep thoughts" so it wasn't abnormal for this to approach my mind while shampoo sat lathering on my head. At almost the age of 22 I feel like I may be in the middle of a mid life, or in this case, quarter life crisis. Now this won't be there first or last time this will happen to me, I along with many other my age have faced this obstacle of many important questions adults such as our elders ask, "What are your career plans?" "Where do you see yourself in five years?" "What is your major, and what will you do with it?" questions I feel as though I should know, but quite frankly don't. Life is changing, it is for most of us at this point in our lives when we thought we had it all figured out we are slapped in the face with a big fat question mark.

Now you have been though what is most or all of your college years, and reality is knocking on your door step. You have been living surrounded by people your age and in which you may think you know more than or are better than in some way. But you are about to step into a new world, the real world, and you will start all over again. Being faced with new challenges where you may not know everything like you thought you had. So what do you do? Back down in fear, or rise and triumph? How do you even get there you wonder... So do I. I don't have the answers. I don't know which direction is the best for you but I can try and give you a little insight on a few thoughts that roam my brain.

A few years ago after graduating high school I had a plan, I was going to go to the local Jr. college in my hometown for a few years, transfer to a university, and then become a teacher. It was what I set in my mind as the perfect plan, and it was in action. But life kicks in and it also kicks you in the ass sometimes as well. I didn't like school, I didn't want to get paid crap money and I wanted to do something more with myself, challenge myself in a way. So I left, moved to a new city, started and completed Cosmetology School, then moved to start my career. I once again thought I found a new plan, one that would really work I told myself. Well look where I am now, I've quit my job, moved once again to another city and enrolled to go back to school. So much for a solid plan right? I think that's the point, that you sometimes can't really plan what is going to happen because lets face it, that's life and it doesn't get more real then that. You have to just trust that God will always lead you in the right direction and know that he has a greater plan that will always be better than any one you could think of yourself.

Along the way I have seemed to have lost parts of myself, I have been tested in many ways and not always have won. You most always stay true to the person you are inside as this journey is leading you to your destiny. We may be frightened in ways at the unknown but we can not stray from ourselves, we must remember what our parents and elders have taught us. Remain true and pure. At 22 I may not have it all figured out but I think the most important thing I must know is to leave my faith in Him and all will go according to HIS plan, I hope you can do the same

xx.

Who am I, Where am I going

If someone was to ask who you were, you would most likely respond with your name followed by some facts like your age and where you live. But who are you really, what do you like, what are your hobbies, what makes you YOU?

If someone asked me Id start out with the fact that I ramble when I get nervous, I will always make the situation awkward by not making since when I ramble on about things that you probably don't like. I am obsessed with One Direction, to the point where I should actually be an nine year old girl. I watch way too many tv shows that have no connection to what the real world is actually like. I enjoy tons of different types of music anywhere between The 1975, to For King and Country. Id tell them that I absolutely hate vegetables and fruit and that yes I know that is very un healthy. That I was once a cheerleader and it consumed about 8 full years of my life and childhood. I am such a hopeless romantic and will continue to cry every time that I watch the last Breaking Dawn. I read an insane amount of books, and have this horrible habit of finding a new one to read and stopping mid way thought the previous book to start another. I absolutely can not sleep well if my room is a mess, it has to be clean and tidy before I can fully rest. Id also say that I wish I went to church a lot more than I do, I have a great relationship with christ and my walk with him is such an import part of my life. You'd have to know that I was born in California and would like to return back one day for good. The beach runs in my soul, I was once a fish in another life. I lose my train of thought in the middle of doing something, like right now for example, and beat myself up until I remember what it was I was trying to do or say. I hang on to things of the past for way to long. Most times I underestimate what peoples true intentions are and get walked on. I spend way too much time on the internet, mostly on YouTube and Tumblr. But that is not all that makes me Me...my family, friends, the people I surround myself with adds to it as well.


A lot has changed since we last spoke, some bad but mostly good. For so long I have filtered my blog and Im proud to say that is no longer an issue. I have been released from the thing that was once holding me back, being in College Station and working at the Salon I was at was completely wrong for me and it took way too long for me to realize it. I never give up or quit something I commit to, but in this case you must make yourself happy and put yourself first sometimes. There I was not happy and never would be, people I surrounded myself with everyday were negative and did nothing but put off bad vibes. I dreaded having to return back to College Station from my days off and trips to see my family. I could feel the life being taken out of me and my heart would be drained after every day. I grew farther from my faith and knew something had to change, I missed my family and I missed myself being ME. I don't want this post to focus on what was bad in the situation but look ahead to the present and soon to come future. After making the decision to leave my job I have decided to move back to Cypress, live with my best friend, and continue to finish school. I have nothing but excitement and joy in my heart to start back where I left off, I hope to study Communications and Public Relations. Through this journey I hopefully will be able to study abroad and learn as much as I can from many different people from all over the world. I will continue to follow though with my dream of making people beautiful doing hair and makeup, just not put all my focus in that direction right now. I can not express how much I felt trapped settling in a town and working every single day, I felt like I was going to be stuck there forever unable to get out, travel, or meet anyone truly for me. At the prime age of twenty-one I am much to young to start a career in a town where I do not belong. My life is mine and a contract is not going to keep me from being the most I can be. I dream to learn, to experience, and to grow. I want to get back to me, and to following where God wants me to go. For now it will be back in Houston, maybe one day it will be a new place but Im happy with my cute bohemian two room apartment with my best friend in the universe.


This is the first summer in years that I have had the absolute freedom to explore, vacation, and do the things I desire. First on my list was to pack my things and travel to Austin to visit my family for a few weeks. Waking up every morning able to take five steps and be in my brothers or sisters room has been the light of my time. Just being here and able to take them swimming, to the movies, or school is a blessing. My parents have been such loving supportive people who will always support and open their arms to their children at all times. The trip has been wonderful, but like I mentioned good has come into my life but that also is followed with bad. A few days shortly after arriving my step mothers mom passed to go into Gods arms.  I could not imagine losing either one of my moms and I know that I will truly never understand the pain that my aunts, uncles, and step mom are feeling. When I was about my sisters age (10) I lost my great-grandmother. I didn't quite grasp the concept of what was really going on, I just knew that my MiMi would not stop crying and people kept bringing us flowers and food. My siblings are young and for them to lose a grandmother is difficult and for them I hurt, but I don't think they fully grasp that she is gone and never coming back. When the realization does hit I will be here for them. Although we are all hurting down here in this life we have to remember that she is now with our maker and looking down upon each and everyone of us smiling and singing with the angles.


Life really has no guarantees, the only thing that is certain is that you will live and you will die. All the in-between is up to you and you alone. For me I chose to walk with christ and live my life for him and to fill my purpose in this life. We have to stand strong in our faith and learn that tough times will come but that is when you will be defined on your character and what makes you who you are. If you have doubt in where you are or what your doing explore other options, there is no contracts or people truly holding you back, only yourself and when you decide its time to move forward then you will. Believe that Gods timing is perfect, I was meant to quit my job and come stay with my family because although we didn't know at the time this would be the weeks they would need me here most. In the loss of my grandmother I find comfort in Jesus timing, he makes no mistakes and will always lead you in the right direction if you trust in him. Hug your love ones extra tight for me today and find your happiness in everyday.

(Rest In Peace Grandma)

(A few pictures since we last spoke)

Okay? Okay.

*Small update following this post

John Green will now forever be a name in my regular day to day vocabulary. His book (now turned major motion picture) The Fault In Our Stars, has consumed my wandering eyes and thoughts over the course of the past few days. I bought the book a few months back when I saw it at an Urban Outfitters, while visiting New York, pretty random place to see it if you ask me. Never the less I googled the title and saw that it would soon be a movie so of course I had to see what it was all about before I would allow myself to step foot in the theater. I had every intention to start reading right away, but this was right around the time Divergent was in theaters so I had to prioritize and read that one first, which by the way I ended up stopping about half way threw because I couldn't wait a second longer to read TFIOS (look at that hip lingo) so I pushed pause on Divergent to start reading. I visited the beach for mothers day and thought this would be the perfect time seeing the movie comes out on JUNE 6TH, mark your calendars people, and I now have completed the book cover to cover with a few turn backs just because it was so beautiful, and I thought Id share my thoughts on the story and give a mini "book review."

Now with any book I like to really clear my mind and take every word the author has written and Imagine it from his/her point of view. John Green made it very easy to really dive deep into the story, fairly quickly if I must say. The book if you do not know is about two young adults around the ages of 16/17 who both are terminally sick with cancer. However, (this part is important so pay attention) this book is NOT about cancer, it is simply a love story about two people. It is completely beautifully written and well voiced. The characters, Hazel and Augustus, are two people you are genuinely rooting for. Like I said the book does not focus on the fact that they both have cancer, but it is a part of the story, the book focuses more on the present and the way they are living their lives day to day rather than counting the days they have left. Their love is true and pure, one that we all hope to have within our lives, it's great because in the beginning of the story Hazel is so hesitant to fall in love because she sees the reality. She knows they will both shortly die and is extremely scared, but isn't that the point to love like there is no tomorrow? Life has no guarantees, we are not given a set amount of days where we can count down, it is unknown to us, so love now in this moment. As soon and she realizes this their love truly unfolds within the pages you are reading and let me just warn you of the waterworks. (And no this is not just because I have overreactive tear ducts and cry at everything!)  It is an emotional roller coaster, one that only goes up. (just a little joke for the ones who've read the book) I am so impressed with the story and the feeling that it gave me. I feel as if I've truly received a gift with this story and encourage you to pick up a copy and see what all the hype is about for yourself.

Now that I've read the book I am literally counting down the days until the movie, I am so thrilled with the cast that has been selected to play the characters. I will openly admit I've watched the trailer to the movie about 67 plus times, and let me just say I am fully prepared to bring a huge box of tissues with me to the screening. Ill also have to remember to block my ex boy friends number so that after I see it I don't end up sending out some emotional sappy text message that I would most likely regret in the morning. Hehe.

Like I mentioned in the beginning of this post Id like to talk to you guys apart from the book. I am very excited to inform you that I will SOON be posting another Update blog with new information about what is going on in my crazy life as promised. Also Im really thinking of doing more of these "mini book review" post after I get done with a new book. I read a ton and think it would spice up my blog bit, let me know your thoughts. Im now reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower, so be on the lookout for that! Hope you guys have an amazing week.

Cheers xx

Update

I've been major slacking on my blog these past few weeks! It's not because I haven't been inspired, I write all the time, it's just knowing when to post something at the right time. The process of deciding when it's appropriate to post something is a daily struggle I face. I fight myself constantly for over thinking what I write, I  worry over who might take offince to what I write, or if it will get me into trouble. If we could write with out judgment what would we put on paper, or in my case the screen? It's almost like if someone could read your mind, would you really be comfortable with them being able to walk freely through your thoughts? I'll answer for you, HELL NO. A lot is changing in my life, I'm so incredibly excited, but it's not time yet to share quite everything. So I won't let you roam my thoughts freely yet, but I will give you a sneak peak.

Change is inevitable right? Well isn't it a better feeling when you know you're in charge of the change. When you take your life in your own hands and really take the reigns. I've been doing just that over the past few months. Some things are falling into the right places and it looks like I've got all of my duckies in a row. About time right? I wouldn't be able to have this without a few special people who have helped me through this journey. My family, best friend, and God have played a big part in helping me along to find just the right path for myself. Now that I've got a plan in mind it is up to me to really follow through to continue to be happy. I've spoken openly in my past posts that I've struggled with letting others control my happiness, and I'll be perfectly honest with you I still find myself having issues with this at times, but I've grown a lot and have really started to lean less on others and more on myself. It's nice when another can make us happy but for now I'm content with it being just me. I am really starting to figure out who I am, what I like, what I HATE, and what I really want. This is such a huge deal to me, personally I've struggled with depression and anexity so the fact that I'm feeling okay with just how things are coming along is amazing. I'm so ready for the changes, and ready to share them with all of you guys!

Stay tuned to find out what's next for me :)

(A few pictures from the past month)

positive minds, good vibes

When you let negativity creep into your life, it will start to consume you. Recently I have been struggling with negativity in my life, anywhere from negative people, to negative thoughts. We all have times when we get down on ourselves but do we actually realize when we do this that it is starting to control our every thought. When you sit in a circle with friends talking about things you don't like you vibe off each others words, you continue to bring out negative thoughts to the surface and then before you know it you are completely frustrated or overwhelmed with sadness.

When faced with this issue not too long ago, I turned to the one person who I knew would be honest and open to listen. My mom is the number one person I run to with any doubt or fear, when I have a problem she usually comes up with a great solution. I was so upset about something that happened and within moments of my story telling she flat out told me that I was being a drama queen, no surprise in that. She is always honest, but we all need to hear the cold hard truth every now and again. She next proceeded to solve the issue at hand, how do we stay positive in so much anger? We turn to God, we pray for peace, and we trust in all that he does. Complexity is something that has to be in our lives in order to test our faith, our morals, and our humanity. When thrown an issue its not about what you do to solve it, it's how you handle yourself in the process.  Oh and she also said "self help book's help a lot too," words of wisdom right there folks. She's right, often times we see so many problems in our lives that we forget the reason we are here.

While scrolling through my pintrest feed earlier today I came across this picture. It made me smile because I know I was shown this for a reason, when life has you pulled a million and one ways we lose focus on the importance of what truly matters. In order to fully let go of things that our bothering us or getting under our skin we have to give it all to him. We can't hold on to anger, or sadness that get's you no where. Cast your anxiety and you're fear on the lord. If you or someone you know is struggling with letting go I encourage you to turn to God, he s always there to comfort you. He knows every feeling you have and every thought that crosses your mind. Then surround yourself with encouraging people who will lift you up and project happiness onto your life. When you have yourself surround with negative people you will become them. 

Eliminate the problem, cast the emotions, and trust in him.