My reason to thank Caitlyn Jenner

Disclaimer:

Let me start out with stating if you have clicked on this post then please to stay committed and fully read the whole thing, eventually it will all start to make sense. I have not posted this to offend anyone, in any way. I am trying my best to fully understand myself, and am still learning the correct terminology so please do not get upset if I do not word things correctly. Also I am not trying to sway your opinion on the matter, just simply trying to tell you my story, nor shove my beliefs down your throat. I am just a 22 year old young woman trying to share a light on personal experience, so do not think this post will be perfect by any means.

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I have thought about writing this post numerous times. Scared I may start a war on my social media I deferred, kept my thoughts inside, and held my tongue. With the recent Vanity Fair release of Caitlyn Jenner, formally known as Bruce, I can't help but think this is the perfect time to really speak up.

When I was three years of age my little sister was born, Hayley. I was so thrilled to have a sister and new friend, but growing up I quickly noticed she really wasn't like me, at all. She was not into barbies, and baby dolls, she was much more into dump trucks and playing in the dirt. At such a young age it really didn't matter to me, as we grew up she was more of the tom boy and I the girly girl. That was okay! She always was a happy child, would walk up to strangers anywhere and strike up a conversation like they were her friend. Nothing scared her, nor could dull her brightness. In high school she started experimenting more with makeup, asking for advice on clothing, and even had a long serious relationship with a guy. Yet slowly my family started to see the light in her fade, she quit the Soccer team, turned to dark music, lost tons of weight, and her relationship ended. Dismissing these, what now we see as warning signs, my family continued to hope she would change back to the old Hayley she once was.

In September of 2012 I received a call stating that my baby sister had tried to commit suicide, but failed. Confused and heartbroken my family came to her side trying to do as much as we could. She was placed in a hospital where doctors could watch and monitor her well being. Once striped of all the normal clothing I took notice to her bone thin body and something inside me woke up. This is a person, with a heart beat, who has been hurting for 18 years. Torn up inside with no one to talk to, who just wanted to end her life. How could we all be so blind to the pain she was feeling? I decided I would be there for her no matter what the outcome may be, I would support her in any and everything.


In a confused state in her life she started to question if she was truly being honest with us as well as herself. She had pushed thoughts she had deep into the darkest parts of herself, because she didn't know what was truly going on within her. Once she discovered that there was such thing as Transgender she started to piece the puzzle together. As things started to unfold in the years to follow, Hayley admitted to us that she had always felt very wrong in her body. Hayley is transgender, she was born as a girl, but her soul is male. Although my family is Christian, and we have been raised to love all others and judge no one, that does not mean that this news was easy for us to understand. When you have lived with someone for 18 years as a girl who is wanting to transition into male it is a hard adjustment. My sister is still my sister, she is now just a better version of herself. She is now transitioning into he. I still catch myself calling her "her" and "she" but she is no longer Hayley, but Hurley. She is now becoming my brother.

The whole issue I have with people commenting hateful things about Caitlyn Jenner is I am taking these comments straight to my heart, because my sibling is Transgender, and any comment you make about Caitlyn I put towards my brother and the transgender community. People who are Christian are not doing well by their beliefs, God has told us to love thy neighbor. He says do not judge unless you have no sin, we all have sins therefor we are in no position to judge any one. These are people, they are still human beings with feelings and a heart. We as Christians need to show more love towards the LGBT community, because God has told us to love all others. More than 50% of Transgender youth will have had at least one suicide attempt by their 20th birthday. Everyone deserves to be happy, why does it matter to you if Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn, shouldn't it matter that she is no longer suffering and hurting. My brother is now enjoying the life he always wanted, happier than he ever was as a girl.

What Caitlyn Jenner has done is heroic. By doing what she has done so publicly she has reached millions of people, some of who are young teens considering suicide, teens who are going through the same feelings my little sister was going through. If Caitlyn has just saved one person from ending their life I'd call her a hero, but she did more than that. She has helped family's of transgender children as well, and she helped me.

Nobody likes you when you're 23

 Eight long months it's been since I've publicly posted on my blog. Eight long months filled with tons of new changes. Eight long months of college, homework, and quizzes. Eight months is far to long, it's not that I didn't have anything to say, it's just that sometimes life takes you by storm and you lose track of things you once did. I hope to get back on track, jumping head first with the fact that I am turning 23 in a matter of weeks!

Now I feel like when you turn 23 you really have to start getting serious about becoming an adult. At 22 you are still trying to hang on to you 21st year, still washing all of your clothes in one cycle, still eating hot pockets for dinner, and still sleeping past 10:30. Not wanting to face the music that you are inevitably going to have to grow up and become a real life adult.  I have decided that it's time I get the ball rolling, so I clearly went to my local Barnes & Noble and picked up Kelly Williams Bown's, Adulting book. This is a 468 easy(ish) step book that will hopefully conclude in teaching you a few tips to becoming an adult. Now I'm not sure how effective this step by step book can really make you into an "adult", but so far I've found a few really helpful tips.

The age 23 I think is the age where you let go of the most outrageous dreams that you have for yourself, like thinking you will be able to make a super hilarious viral video that will result in you going on The Ellen Show and you never having to work a day in your life, chances are slim to none of that happening. It's now time to create dreams that can become a reality, like finding a really great job, deciding to be more healthy, or trading your used Honda and buying a new car. It is time to start checking the expiration date on the food in your pantry, and buying toilet paper in bulk, because lets face it that is the LAST thing you want to run out of.

Start to wear more sunscreen, I mean really ladies is your tan worth the wrinkles you will get on your face when you're only in your thirties? This is a great habit to form, always put on sunscreen!!! Yes it is sticky and gross but it is way worth the hassle. Also there is no better time to start to love water, this will keep you hydrated in the Texas summer heat as well as keeping your skin bright!

Purchase real food. Start making dinner at home more rather than grabbing Taco Bell on your way home from work. Even if you are cooking for one, Pintrest is a life savor with recipes, and you will have leftovers! WIN WIN. It has been proven that these non real food items that taste so "delicious" only taste that way to make you keep eating more, ending in weight gain and you feeling sorry for yourself while you watch Greys Anatomy. You would not believe how easy it is to make grilled chicken with rice.

Your car, is a great next topic. Your car is something you use quite frequently so why would you not want to take care of it? Be sure to get your oil changed on time, rotate your tires as needed, and try to keep eating in it to a minimum. Don't get me wrong on a long road trip I cant survive without a slim jim or BBQ chips, but if you do eat then vacuum shortly after. You spend far to much time in your car to not take care of it. Bonus if you have a Bath and Body Works car air freshener!

Clean up your social media. Take the time to go through your albums on Facebook and really pick through which are appropriate, these are a representation of yourself so make sure to get rid of those wild spring break pictures. Also now is a great time to go through your list of 2,400 friends, who really needs that many friends? When you see someone posting something negative or gossiping like they are still in high school this should be a clear red flag pointing you to the delete button. Social media plays such a big role in today's world that most companies want access to view what type of person they will be hiring, so no better time then now.

Develop a new outlook on partying. Partying as a college student and as an adult are two very different things. Partying as an adult will consist of RSVP(ing) however do not look at this thinking you can't still have a good time, there will just be more parties where getting drunk and hooking up are not the goal.

Be okay with being alone. I think a lot of people are extremely afraid to be alone, whether that be in a romantic since, or just going out to dinner alone.  Learning to live with yourself is so important because you will be with yourself for all of your life, might as well learn to enjoy your own company. Trust me if you're at lunch by yourself and see someone looking over their shoulder at you they are not thinking "oh my gosh she is all alone, she must not have any friends or boyfriend" chances are they are thinking about their dog, or if they paid their rent on time. When you decide to not care about everyone else thoughts then you will be in a much happier place. 


Becoming an adult is not the end of your universe, there will be new things to look forward to in life, such as meeting your soul mate, getting a job where you can actually move up and grow in, and starting a family. You're no longer having to depend on your parents and becoming independent isn't as scary as it sounds, it is very fulfilling. Don't forget all around you; people you're friends with, people you've grown up with, and people you will meet along the way, are all too growing up.

So here's to

23!

Why we should spend less time watching The Bachelor, and more time reading The Song of Solomon

You know those nights where you find yourself channel surfing around eleven pm for something to watch, anything, you are literally looking to find something half decent on TV at this point and still no luck. So what do you do? The answer is clear people... you watch "The Bachelor" duh. NO! Why would you do that? The show is staged, and the lines these people say are super cheesy. Yet here you are in your target pajamas, drinking a cup of hot tea, listening to this god awful show. And you're actually buying it! If you thought it was pathetic that you chose this show to begin with, the fact that you are actually getting emotional sends you over the edge.

Now I could be the only girl in the world that does this, matter of fact I probably am the only girl, but that is bedside the point... the point is why do us girls torture ourselves into watching other people's love stories evolve in front of our eyes? We lay in bed and watch movies like Dear John and The Vow thinking "oh this is going to be a great night in, I'll have a glass of wine and stare at Channing Tatum all night" easy as cake huh? Then the credits start to roll and we're left alone with our thoughts and a empty bottle of wine, because lets be honest one glass just didn't cut it. Then one thing leads to another and were calling our best friend crying.  WAKE UP SISTER. There is a much bigger picture here that you are not seeing (maybe the wine clouded your mind just a tad).

Ladies need to start focusing their energy elsewhere, instead of getting themselves down in the dirt over some guy or relationship. God makes it very clear to us that we are not ready for a relationship when we are actively looking for one, he wants us to spend time focusing our energy on him and building up our relationship with Christ before he decides to place that perfect guy in out lives. We should spend less time scrolling through wedding boards on Pintrest and more hours studying the Song of Songs, to really get a clear idea on what it is that God want's us to have in a relationship. Timing is never wrong in God's eyes, to us we might think "maybe it would of worked with them if it was just better timing." Well that is not true, God's timing is never off. He places people in our lives at certain times for a reason, just because it doesn't work out with them does not mean that the path you're headed wont lead you into something else. We must always trust in him and let him lead us in the right direction, instead of the direction we think is best.

I log into Facebook and see friends from high school getting engaged and starting families and instead of getting upset over the fact that I am 150% single, I smile and think I can not wait for that point in my life but for now I'll enjoy where God has me at this time. Spend your days thanking the almighty for giving you this world to live in and breathing life into your body, rather than walking with your head low because you have don't have someone to watch a Netflix marathon all day with. One day when God feels you are in the right place with him, he will place someone right where they need to be and the pieces to the puzzle you could never find will be as if they were there all along. Channing Tatum is great to look at but lets face it, he's married and has no clue who you are at all. There is however an incredible person that God has hand created for each of us and that thought overwhelms me with joy.

Why does God take us South to go North?

In my life recently I have felt distance in my relationship with God. While living in College Station I would regularly attend an on campus bible study called Breakaway every week, and since I have moved to Houston I have yet to find a church that I feel fits my walk with christ. I have noticed a hole in my heart that could only be filled with the preachings of the Lord. I decided while I continued my search I would look back on my notes taken over the course of my time at Breakaway, and login to their website to watch previous podcast. Within minutes of hearing the words of God again I began to feel my spirits lift. In day to day life I hear the words of Christian singers and pray to God, but he requires more from us, to study his word and to listen to his preaching. 

While the hole started to grow I was given unfortunate information about my mother. She noticed a spot on her face that appeared out of nowhere and was continuing to grow. In fear that it could be something worse than a simple blemish, something cancerous, so she made an appointment to see a specialist. Personally I freaked out inside, automatically assuming the worst and began to question God. Why would he put my mothers life in danger of such a terrible disease. I wanted to be angry and upset with him but knew that was just the enemy talking. 

Fot I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future. Jeremiah 29:11

Just when the enemy stepped in I knew I had to get on my knees and pray, pray for her health, for her life, and for her loved ones. I did not tell many people, for we did not know for sure what was the actual cause was for this, but the ones I did tell I asked for continued prayers. My dads church was notified and reached out their thoughts and prayed togeather as a church. Mind you this news was brought to my attention about two weeks ago, my mother appointment was scheduled for today, the 13 of August. LAST NIGHT I received a text from my mom of a picture along with the words "I woke up today and it is completely gone." As if the spot was never there, a spot that was growing day by day...GONE. Just like that a rush of relief came over me. How could this happen, what made it just disappear...

PRAYER

With the words spoken by many mouths to our father asking him for healing and health for my mom, he took away what could of led my family down a very scary path. So the question I ask you, why does God take us north to go south? What does this mean? God takes us down paths that build us, they build our relationship with others, build our relationship with God, and builds our faith. He leads us this way to give us the opportunity to put our trust in him alone. He is the healer of all things. He wants us to believe in him and his words that he know the plans he has for us, we can not change them they are set so what do we do other than put our trust in him fully? When we are forced to face a scary possibility like sickness or death and God takes away that possibility we find ourselves worshiping him whole heartedly, but he doesn't want our worship just out of thanks for healing, he wants our worship for him at all times. We can't just thank him when we feel he has helped something, he sent his one and only son to die for OUR sins, we must praise and worship him always.

God test us daily to see if when we feel hopeless and are struggling that we will not stray from his promises but that we will stand firm in our faith in a time of rain, in order to see his rainbow. Often times God will lead us in a direction we don't know to display his glory! He is worthy of all praise no matter what obstacle is thrown in our lives. He provides comfort in his words and in his people. God will sometimes complicate our lives for his teachings and glory, in this time of worry and stress over my mom he has taught me that he is the only person that can take that worry away. We must cast our anxiety on him and he will deal with it, as long as we trust in him. When people see the blessings God has given me, then I hope they will call upon him. Our faith will move us forward on his path into his glory. 

God has huge plans for each and every one of us, but that does not mean that bad things can't and won't happen, it just means we have to keep trusting in him. My challenge to you if you do not know christ or even if you do, is this... You can keep doing what you are doing and be STUCK where you are, or you can open up to changing your ways and see where the Lord leads you. When you step into a walk with christ and put your faith in God you will receive blessings. There will be obstacles and problems, but he asks us to not focus on those problems we may face, but instead to focus on his PROMISES. 

The size of your problem does not matter, the size of your God does.

Here's how I got PitchSlapped

June is nearly coming to an end and boy oh boy has it been an exciting month. Monthly updates are becoming a thing here on my itty bitty blog and Im glad I can keep you guys up to date with whats going on in my life. Recently a pretty cool thing happened, at the beginning of the month my best friend and I made a spontaneous trip to Louisiana to play extras in the audience watching the Treblemakers preform in Pitch Perfect 2. We enjoyed being on set so much that we got back in contact with a casting director to return later in the month to see the Bellas... little did I know I'd be getting to do a little more than just be an extra in the audience. I would love to let you guys have the full experience of what my trip to PP2 was actually like, sharing pictures and videos of my costume and of set, however I do not have 117,000 dollars to pay them when they sue me. I signed this little paper saying I would not share any information about the movie as they want to keep it a secrete until it comes out, which is totally understandable. I can however share a little sneak peak into what happened to me while I was there. 

I originally applied to play an audience member again all week with my friends and was thrilled with just that, until the night before we started our road trip at dinner when I got a call from casting asking if I would be willing to be in a "specialty group." I can't revile what the group did or looked like but geeze louise was it FUN. Being in this had it's perks, we got our own trailer, were taken to hair and make up almost everyday, fitted and in wardrobe for our costumes, and allowed to be back stage with the actors. I got a glimpse of what its actually like to be on set and not just another extra in the audience which was pretty cool. Being in this group allowed me to meet some pretty awesome people, including having a casual conversation with Brittany Snow while making ice coffee at 3 am. We got to do a few scenes, one on our own where Elizabeth Banks loved what we were doing so much she requested the cameras to be directly on us...AMAZING, and another with Hailee Steinfeld and Ben Platt. Not everyday do you just get to hang out in the same room with an oscar nominee. Everyone was so nice and down to earth, if you're wondering what Rebel Wilson is like she is hilarious! Call times were mainly around 4-6 pm and went all the way until 6 am. It was long hours doing the same scenes about 20 plus times over and over, I never realized how many times they actually shoot the same thing just from tons of different angles and cameras, some of those bad boys are ginormous. 

The week went by fast, and sort of felt like one long continuous day, shooting all night and sleeping all day then getting up and heading right back. Monday-Thursday had only around 100-300 extras in the audience and Friday night was the BIG day, PP2 opened the doors to any and everyone that wanted to come watch the final performance of the Bellas, 2000 people showed up and it was crazy.  Thankfully the volunteers were release around midnight and wouldn't be there the entire time. When we finally wrapped I think I was to the point of delirium, by this point in the week we memorized the lyrics and dance routines of the performances so you know we were a bit tired of seeing the same things and ready to return home. This was an amazing opportunity and exciting week, I'm grateful for everything and so super excited for the movie to come out, May 15, 2015.

(here are a few photos I can share)

A few of the girls in our group

The guys who made things so much fun on set

The sun coming up on the first finished day

A snap chat of the sun on the last day

Bubble fun in-between takes

Some of the crowd on Friday night

An overhead shot of the park that a news station took

Snapchat photo bom with one of the guys from another group

Help, Im freaking OUT people

Mid shower about 20 minutes ago I had a moment, now normally this is where you'd find me having "ideas" or "deep thoughts" so it wasn't abnormal for this to approach my mind while shampoo sat lathering on my head. At almost the age of 22 I feel like I may be in the middle of a mid life, or in this case, quarter life crisis. Now this won't be there first or last time this will happen to me, I along with many other my age have faced this obstacle of many important questions adults such as our elders ask, "What are your career plans?" "Where do you see yourself in five years?" "What is your major, and what will you do with it?" questions I feel as though I should know, but quite frankly don't. Life is changing, it is for most of us at this point in our lives when we thought we had it all figured out we are slapped in the face with a big fat question mark.

Now you have been though what is most or all of your college years, and reality is knocking on your door step. You have been living surrounded by people your age and in which you may think you know more than or are better than in some way. But you are about to step into a new world, the real world, and you will start all over again. Being faced with new challenges where you may not know everything like you thought you had. So what do you do? Back down in fear, or rise and triumph? How do you even get there you wonder... So do I. I don't have the answers. I don't know which direction is the best for you but I can try and give you a little insight on a few thoughts that roam my brain.

A few years ago after graduating high school I had a plan, I was going to go to the local Jr. college in my hometown for a few years, transfer to a university, and then become a teacher. It was what I set in my mind as the perfect plan, and it was in action. But life kicks in and it also kicks you in the ass sometimes as well. I didn't like school, I didn't want to get paid crap money and I wanted to do something more with myself, challenge myself in a way. So I left, moved to a new city, started and completed Cosmetology School, then moved to start my career. I once again thought I found a new plan, one that would really work I told myself. Well look where I am now, I've quit my job, moved once again to another city and enrolled to go back to school. So much for a solid plan right? I think that's the point, that you sometimes can't really plan what is going to happen because lets face it, that's life and it doesn't get more real then that. You have to just trust that God will always lead you in the right direction and know that he has a greater plan that will always be better than any one you could think of yourself.

Along the way I have seemed to have lost parts of myself, I have been tested in many ways and not always have won. You most always stay true to the person you are inside as this journey is leading you to your destiny. We may be frightened in ways at the unknown but we can not stray from ourselves, we must remember what our parents and elders have taught us. Remain true and pure. At 22 I may not have it all figured out but I think the most important thing I must know is to leave my faith in Him and all will go according to HIS plan, I hope you can do the same

xx.

Who am I, Where am I going

If someone was to ask who you were, you would most likely respond with your name followed by some facts like your age and where you live. But who are you really, what do you like, what are your hobbies, what makes you YOU?

If someone asked me Id start out with the fact that I ramble when I get nervous, I will always make the situation awkward by not making since when I ramble on about things that you probably don't like. I am obsessed with One Direction, to the point where I should actually be an nine year old girl. I watch way too many tv shows that have no connection to what the real world is actually like. I enjoy tons of different types of music anywhere between The 1975, to For King and Country. Id tell them that I absolutely hate vegetables and fruit and that yes I know that is very un healthy. That I was once a cheerleader and it consumed about 8 full years of my life and childhood. I am such a hopeless romantic and will continue to cry every time that I watch the last Breaking Dawn. I read an insane amount of books, and have this horrible habit of finding a new one to read and stopping mid way thought the previous book to start another. I absolutely can not sleep well if my room is a mess, it has to be clean and tidy before I can fully rest. Id also say that I wish I went to church a lot more than I do, I have a great relationship with christ and my walk with him is such an import part of my life. You'd have to know that I was born in California and would like to return back one day for good. The beach runs in my soul, I was once a fish in another life. I lose my train of thought in the middle of doing something, like right now for example, and beat myself up until I remember what it was I was trying to do or say. I hang on to things of the past for way to long. Most times I underestimate what peoples true intentions are and get walked on. I spend way too much time on the internet, mostly on YouTube and Tumblr. But that is not all that makes me Me...my family, friends, the people I surround myself with adds to it as well.


A lot has changed since we last spoke, some bad but mostly good. For so long I have filtered my blog and Im proud to say that is no longer an issue. I have been released from the thing that was once holding me back, being in College Station and working at the Salon I was at was completely wrong for me and it took way too long for me to realize it. I never give up or quit something I commit to, but in this case you must make yourself happy and put yourself first sometimes. There I was not happy and never would be, people I surrounded myself with everyday were negative and did nothing but put off bad vibes. I dreaded having to return back to College Station from my days off and trips to see my family. I could feel the life being taken out of me and my heart would be drained after every day. I grew farther from my faith and knew something had to change, I missed my family and I missed myself being ME. I don't want this post to focus on what was bad in the situation but look ahead to the present and soon to come future. After making the decision to leave my job I have decided to move back to Cypress, live with my best friend, and continue to finish school. I have nothing but excitement and joy in my heart to start back where I left off, I hope to study Communications and Public Relations. Through this journey I hopefully will be able to study abroad and learn as much as I can from many different people from all over the world. I will continue to follow though with my dream of making people beautiful doing hair and makeup, just not put all my focus in that direction right now. I can not express how much I felt trapped settling in a town and working every single day, I felt like I was going to be stuck there forever unable to get out, travel, or meet anyone truly for me. At the prime age of twenty-one I am much to young to start a career in a town where I do not belong. My life is mine and a contract is not going to keep me from being the most I can be. I dream to learn, to experience, and to grow. I want to get back to me, and to following where God wants me to go. For now it will be back in Houston, maybe one day it will be a new place but Im happy with my cute bohemian two room apartment with my best friend in the universe.


This is the first summer in years that I have had the absolute freedom to explore, vacation, and do the things I desire. First on my list was to pack my things and travel to Austin to visit my family for a few weeks. Waking up every morning able to take five steps and be in my brothers or sisters room has been the light of my time. Just being here and able to take them swimming, to the movies, or school is a blessing. My parents have been such loving supportive people who will always support and open their arms to their children at all times. The trip has been wonderful, but like I mentioned good has come into my life but that also is followed with bad. A few days shortly after arriving my step mothers mom passed to go into Gods arms.  I could not imagine losing either one of my moms and I know that I will truly never understand the pain that my aunts, uncles, and step mom are feeling. When I was about my sisters age (10) I lost my great-grandmother. I didn't quite grasp the concept of what was really going on, I just knew that my MiMi would not stop crying and people kept bringing us flowers and food. My siblings are young and for them to lose a grandmother is difficult and for them I hurt, but I don't think they fully grasp that she is gone and never coming back. When the realization does hit I will be here for them. Although we are all hurting down here in this life we have to remember that she is now with our maker and looking down upon each and everyone of us smiling and singing with the angles.


Life really has no guarantees, the only thing that is certain is that you will live and you will die. All the in-between is up to you and you alone. For me I chose to walk with christ and live my life for him and to fill my purpose in this life. We have to stand strong in our faith and learn that tough times will come but that is when you will be defined on your character and what makes you who you are. If you have doubt in where you are or what your doing explore other options, there is no contracts or people truly holding you back, only yourself and when you decide its time to move forward then you will. Believe that Gods timing is perfect, I was meant to quit my job and come stay with my family because although we didn't know at the time this would be the weeks they would need me here most. In the loss of my grandmother I find comfort in Jesus timing, he makes no mistakes and will always lead you in the right direction if you trust in him. Hug your love ones extra tight for me today and find your happiness in everyday.

(Rest In Peace Grandma)

(A few pictures since we last spoke)